You could shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you will never again be foolish enough to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with just a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for a few weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you’ll be back for a rematch in the end. You can’t just let that Bandit win so easily, can you? No way.

It’s just a machine, in the end, with a “brain” comprised of wires and microchips. You, alternatively, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to have any hope at all in surviving the worldwide war against machines that surely will come some day, we would better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter in this particular kind of sweeping historical context and you shall see that it’s not simply a choice but an obligation that you should get back on the horse immediately.

Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it would be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

You could not realize that the slot machine goes on different names in overseas nations. By way of example, within the United Kingdom, it is called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the slot is known as a “poker machine,” which is even more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl’s toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you certainly will get it.)

Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or more reels, which spin whenever a lever on the side of the machine is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the money inserted to play. The machine typically pays off determined by patterns of symbols visible when the reels stop.

OK, enough for the description. Essentially, onto those tips which were promised a number of paragraphs ago:

Become intimately familiar with each slot machine’s payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have a number of banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, and this is the place you should play.

Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for money and time spent. Even if you don’t hit the jackpot, you could still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, and other perks.

This certainly will be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you may afford and only spend money you may risk losing. Seriously.

Walk away when you are losing and become irritated. playing online slot slot machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not just a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it’s no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.